Devotionals

In all the current chaos we pagans must not let our devotional practices suffer.   We give praise to our Gods in various ways, I write poetry and song, muse on the traits of the Wise Ones…..may a grain of such wisdom be imparted on me.  I was going through many various google docs and came across some poetry I am pleased with.  I may be sharing some over the coming days.  We need our Gods presence in the world.  We need an alternative to the current order.  We need a better way.

One for Odin

Old man

The one who whispers

With bold tenderness into a woman’s heart

Who finds you laid bare

Skin and bones

And applies the healing balm

Knowledge and fury

Breath and calm

Loving  life with newfound might

A determination  never known

He waits for you on the mountaintop

The Wanderer

The rune master

Sit beside him and hear his words

Let his breath fill your spirit

Let your souls be cleansed and bared.

CT scans and the gods 

I had to receive one on my head today due to some weird neurological changes in my migraine patterns.  Sometimes we just go around in our day to day and we become complacent that things will go on working as they should. 

I’ve had common migraines for years. I experienced one with aura, limited vision and left side body numbness last week.  It was frightening.  A few days ago another aura, more bad vision and some short lived aphasia. Due to some odd issues a few years back involving body numbness the doc ordered a scan.

So lying on the machine today, pumped full of dye, being pumped full of who knows how much radiation, I closed my eyes and thought of Odin

Odin, great god that gives me the strength to withstand all things

Who tells me to face all my fears  with bravery… and strength

So that I may endure.

Three years since my return

So it’s  been three years since Odin made himself known to me again. I say again, because many years ago when my interest in paganism was first sparked, long before my conversion to Islam, Odin was the first of the old Gods that intrigued me.   At eighteen, long before the Internet was widespread, I scoured the shelves of my local library for information on various mythologies.  Looking back, it’s hard to believe that just a few years after that I would take my shahadah and become a Muslim for the next 15 years.  I was certainly not devout the entire length of time, and would probably gauge the beginning of my discontent at about two years in, doggedly however, I hung on and persisted in the delusion.

In 2012, I left my abusive marriage and struck out on my own.  It was both liberating, terrible, and terrifying.  And disillusioning. Everything I believed in was called into question, and the Tower came crashing down.  I almost immediately went back to practicing magic like I had in my youth, I began celebrating the cycle of the seasons and they greeted me like old friends. I did not however believe in a god.  I felt very much like an atheistic pagan. 

I was searching.  Yearning.  My life was in a place of terrible stagnation and I felt hamstrung by years of hurts and oppression.  I was scared, unemployed and felt still very much under the thumb of my ex-husband.  In 2014 I lost my father.  It was expected with a long term illness, but devastating nonetheless.  My mother continued on for almost a year before she joined him, a shadow living out her days, wishing often for the end to come soon.  It was with this backdrop that Odin came back into my life.  I remember that spring being so beautiful, so at odds with the reality of my father’s passing, not realizing at the time that despite the pain my life was entering a new phase. 

One night in early summer I crossed the hedge, and was giving a vision of Odin on Sleipnir and the Great Tree, lit up and almost luminescent in the night.  Then the rune Othala appeared to me, and with that rune I begin to learn what really mattered in my life.  Family and strength were pushed to the forefront  and I was no longer content to live in sorrow.  I grew stronger, fearless, and with hard work, moved my life in a more positive direction.  

And my connection to the Allfather grew.  I gained wisdom, insight into myself and others and experienced a true transition into womanhood. I was finally my own person, free, and standing on my own two feet. 

I don’t know where my path will lead me anymore, especially in these uncertain times, however I feel I’ve been headed here my whole life. 

I don’t draw much on pop culture in my practice, but as a pagan we often lack good spiritual music.  Sometimes the most unlikely songs or bands will remind you of the gods.  So the other day  I was listening to Jethro Tull’s Sweet Dream.  So much of it reminds me of my journey back then. 

You’ll hear me calling in your sweet dream,

Can’t hear your daddy’s warning cry.

You’re going back to be all the things you want to be

While in sweet dreams you softly sigh.
You hear my voice is calling to be mine again,

Live the rest of your life in a day.

That’s a bit what it has been like, living my life in a day.  The Odinic experience can be intense.  A yearning for your whole soul  to be set on fire, that no matter how much you drink of knowledge, you will still thirst.  It’s a wild hunger you hope never ends.  

This time of year

Autumn and winter is the most moving time of the year for me as a pagan.  The beauty of death and rebirth, the eternal spinning of life and renewal.  The honoring of the Disir, our great ancestral mothers, makes me think of my own mother’s passing and my own inevitable one that lies ahead.  The Wild Hunt where the Allfather lead his furious host through the world, and winter of course reminds me of great Mother Holle, ancient Goddess of my ancestors, who despite the Christian’s best attempts, her memory lives on.  These are holy times for me.  Great and vast. 

An Odin devotional song/chant

Odin Odin 

I give myself to you

Odin Odin

May this heart be hard and true

I’ve voyaged long and voyaged hard

May wisdom come from you

Odin Odin
My knee is bent

My life is spent I give all rights to you

Odin Odin

Tonight I come to you

O God of war

Please make me strong 

O God of death

I come to you

Odin Odin

I give myself to you
Odin Odin 

I open my arms to you

May my enemies flee when they see 

That I belong to you

Oh Grimnir

Oh Runatyr

Fimbultyr 

I come tonight to you
Oh he who sits on the highest throne

But still walks the land of men

With agony

Then comes strength

Ecstasy sought

I seek these things from you

Odin Odin 
Odin…….