Still around and mucking about

I’ve been busy and there’s much I need to write and very much want to write, but have been doing other things. 

Namely, studying and reading and using this time during the summer when I’m not working to explore what’s next, as I feel the time for change is coming. I’ve been reading Bonewits and his Druidry book, just wanting to explore my options. Most of my Gods are Norse/Germanic but I feel I have very little in common with Asatru.  It’s an interesting place for me to be in spiritually. 

Every couple of years I feel it the spark in me to just get things done….Now it’s in regards to my job and any long term career goals I hope to achieve this late in the game.  I’m not ancient (I’m 40), but I’m not getting any younger either.  

Stay tuned and wish me luck. 

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Devotionals

My journey to Holle was gradual and unexpected.  She is an ancient and wise Goddess who understands my fears, hopes, and dreams.  She is a keeper of the keys to every home.  Caretaker of weary mothers, children and lost waifs.  She simply is……..

For the Weary Mother Looking for Answers

Will I ever find comfort

Where can I find a friend?

She journeyed world weary upon the barren landscape, no tree to be seen on the horizon,  nothing to cut through the gloom.

She came upon a well, water to the brim, humming with the creation of galaxies

And wondered at the depths within

The whisper of knowledge released

Of fearful abandon

And what is communication with the gods but a type of madness

A giving in

A yielding to bravery and strength

She takes the plunge

The bone cold depths

And discovers the secrets of the past

To eternity and all that is

Devotionals

You, Odin

The wise and the strong

You destroy me and remake me

A Colossus

Firm footed and large

I stand at my destiny and accept my path

Resigned

I flee from you no more

I am yours

And the fear I bring now is one of ecstasy, love and devotion

Devotionals

In all the current chaos we pagans must not let our devotional practices suffer.   We give praise to our Gods in various ways, I write poetry and song, muse on the traits of the Wise Ones…..may a grain of such wisdom be imparted on me.  I was going through many various google docs and came across some poetry I am pleased with.  I may be sharing some over the coming days.  We need our Gods presence in the world.  We need an alternative to the current order.  We need a better way.

One for Odin

Old man

The one who whispers

With bold tenderness into a woman’s heart

Who finds you laid bare

Skin and bones

And applies the healing balm

Knowledge and fury

Breath and calm

Loving  life with newfound might

A determination  never known

He waits for you on the mountaintop

The Wanderer

The rune master

Sit beside him and hear his words

Let his breath fill your spirit

Let your souls be cleansed and bared.

My religion

If somebody asked, I would loosely say Norse Pagan, or maybe even Asatru. It would depend on my mood.  If anyone asked,  are you a witch, I’d say yes to that too. 

Lately I’ve felt that being a witch, or one who practices the craft can look a lot of different ways.  

Many years ago, I was in Lebanon visiting in laws.   I was still young, but had been married for six years and still childless.  My ex husband’s family assumed I had fertility problems.  Of course that wasn’t so, I had put off having children because of the volatile nature of our relationship.  

A great aunt in the family, a brave pillar of strength, took me aside before I left to come home, and grasping my face in her gnarled hands she smiled and spoke words to me in Arabic I only half understood.  I nodded along. Then she opened her Quran and began to read a myriad of verses to me.   I knew most of them, being standard fare one would use for daily prayer. She produced from her pocket a piece of narrow white cloth. After each verse she would pause and smile, and tie a knot in the length of cloth and gently blow onto it.  She repeated this until a myriad of small knots adorned the tattered length.  Then she finished by grasping my face into her hands, giving me instructions about the now made cord, and asking me again and again, do you understand? I nodded that I understood and maybe on some level I did, because I felt such a sweet energy pass between us, a feeling of pure goodness, of an old woman who was humbly offering her services to aid me.  I carried the cord length with me for many months after that.  I did become pregnant later that year as well.  Partly because I stopped my birth control pills, but I also like to think that the old hajji had taken some of the fear of motherhood out of me that special day. 

Looking back now, I see her actions for what they were, Muslim white magic.  Funny enough, that specific form of magic is expressly forbidden in the Quran, indeed in one of the very verses that she read over me. 4: وَمِن شَرِّ ٱلنَّفَّٰثَٰتِ فِى ٱلْعُقَدِ /Wa min sharrin-naffaa-saati fil ‘uqad/From the mischief of those who practise secret arts.   I might be wrong, but I’ve seen different translations that read from those who blow on knots…..

At the end of the day men and women who practice magic, from the simple to the ceremonially complex are essentially the same.  We have been around since the dawn of time, we donned the animal skins in the caves at the beginning, we married people, we raised children, we sent them off to the land of shadows, and we helped those who felt that they had no help left.  

We adapted our message to different times and spaces, whether pagan, Christian, Muslim or otherwise.  Practices that had been with us since the beginning were made over with bible or Quran verses, prayers to saints instead of to the old gods. . But we persisted and remained.  

That is my religion. 

An Odin devotional song/chant

Odin Odin 

I give myself to you

Odin Odin

May this heart be hard and true

I’ve voyaged long and voyaged hard

May wisdom come from you

Odin Odin
My knee is bent

My life is spent I give all rights to you

Odin Odin

Tonight I come to you

O God of war

Please make me strong 

O God of death

I come to you

Odin Odin

I give myself to you
Odin Odin 

I open my arms to you

May my enemies flee when they see 

That I belong to you

Oh Grimnir

Oh Runatyr

Fimbultyr 

I come tonight to you
Oh he who sits on the highest throne

But still walks the land of men

With agony

Then comes strength

Ecstasy sought

I seek these things from you

Odin Odin 
Odin……. 

A whirlwind

A lot happens in five years. I’ve a divorce and a remarriage under my belt along with a myriad of other failures and successes. I’ve dealt with a lot of pain and experienced a great deal of loss.  I mourned a marriage that was probably never meant to be, but nonetheless produced two wonderful children. They are my strength and my inheritance. 

I have slowly picked up the pieces of my life after living dependant and dormant for so long.  I am not all the way there yet, but everyday I try to put forth a greater effort. Tomorrow I close on a home, something I would not have thought possible a few years back. Yet, today I am here. I am saying goodbye to a space, despite all the woes of renting, I have grown to love.  The spirits of this land have been good to me and I shall miss them. They in turn too shall miss me, for I have given them much respect and love. 


On my path back to paganism, one of the earliest things I did was connect with the wights of my house and those that existed outside in the immediate area. It seemed the natural thing, as if some ancestral yearning was calling back to me.  I began to leave offerings at trees, a compulsion I couldn’t explain but knew in my gut was the right thing to do.  I remember having an a ha moment later on when I read somewhere how the early church forbade such offerings amongst the Anglo Saxons.  After that, it also became an act of pride, that I was fulfilling the will of my ancestors, and that the Church did not triumph in me. I was carrying on a tradition many years strong, even if it had been long forgotten.  Somewhere, in me, my ancestors had made sure I remembered.

Soon I will say goodbye to this beauty, a glorious Maple who has helped me on my way.  I shall miss her, and before we part ways leave an offering of thanks to this place that I used to call my home. 

Rebirth

    I had a WordPress site once but unfortunately the powers that be did something to it so that I no longer have access. Damn.  Anyway to reintroduce myself, I am a recovering Muslim who has returned to paganism.  From a young age I knew the Gods of my ancestors but for whatever reason, I took a terrible detour getting to know one of the Desert gods, until I found myself where I am today.  This is my journey.  I will blog about the detriment Islam caused me and the joy polytheism brings in healing my life.  Welcome to my journey.